What does it mean to be in transition?
The prefix "trans- " signifies across, through or changing thoroughly. The root of the word transition is situation. Situation identifies a place or a combination of circumstances. Repeatedly at 4:00am I am finding my mind working through my present transition.
The year 2012 brought me amazing opportunities. I began the year a Masters degree candidate who had just completed writing her thesis. In January I embarked upon an unpaid internship with the District Court of Maryland's Alternative Dispute Resolution office. This opportunity proved to be more fulfilling than I imagined. I worked on a large research project, met judges, provided opinions and wrote an article for the District Court ADR newsletter which was published. During this internship I also attended a conference in Washington, DC which changed the direction I was pursuing with my new found career--it also helped me decide that I should attend law school. These experiences stretched across the entire year.
My daughter Olivia finished elementary school in June of this year and transitioned into Middle school. 6th grade...one of the most difficult changes we make through adolescence.
June also found a few challenges for me--I finished my last course in my Masters work on June 18th and the following day I had 3.5 hour sinus surgery. This led to the next 2-4 weeks of recovery and down time...ah, how I love down time.
August found my entire family in my home state of Texas. We gathered and drove out to Abilene, TX to attend my Masters' graduation ceremony from Abilene Christian University (ACU). During that trip, I also made campus visits to three law schools around the state...reaffirming my decision that attaining a JD was the next step in my progression.
September began with fervor...three children back to school and I was nose down studying for the LSAT. The LSAT is no fun...it's intentionally written to be tricky and it's given in short 35 minute segments which are intended to add pressure to an already intensive situation. October 2nd I took the exam...and November 2nd I received my score. Ok...but needs to be higher for a slam dunk entry into law school--now I'm faced with taking the exam again. Ugh.
October was filled with law school applications and kids activities.
November was over run with kids activities, Thanksgiving, my 40th birthday and our 15th wedding anniversary. (A pitty we are fairly cash strapped and couldn't celebrate any of those milestones with any sort of large celebration.)
The beginning of December found me trying to recover from my first sinus infection post-surgery. My ENT prescribed 15 days of steroids...something I wouldn't wish on anyone and something I will not be experiencing again.
So here I am, December 19th struggling to relax and go with my "changing thoroughly combination of circumstances" or transition. Just 4 months ago I was given my Masters diploma...and yet I didn't relax and enjoy that accomplishment--I threw myself right back into the next thing. I have accomplished a great amount of things this year, but want to see my acceptance into law school and want to know where I'll be!
I believe 2013 will see my family relocate back to Texas...most likely in Houston or San Antonio...but have no guarantees. I believe I will begin law school in the fall of 2013...but haven't been accepted yet. I believe we will list and sell our home in Maryland in a reasonable amount of time...but have no guarantee to the amount of time or money which will surround that sell and whether or not we will be offered a move package to relocate our family.
I hate to sound like such a control freak--but I'm so out of control with all of these large items, it's hard not to want to control something. For Christmas, I'm trying to give myself the gift of reflection. To be given time to reflect on what one has accomplished and time to decide how best to utilize those accomplishments is my holiday wish for all of us.
Transition...
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Thursday, November 17, 2011
The Power of an Apology
As a mom, I find that I am constantly saying to at least one of my children everyday..."you owe (me, him, her, us) an apology". Which is then quickly followed up with, "now say it like you mean it". And in my house, after an apology is given, a hug must follow. Some hugs are far more meaningful than others...yet I believe the sign of trusting someone who has hurt you by granting them close proximity to your person to be a true start to accepting an apology.
An apology is a sign of remorse...of acceptance of hurt feelings...or possibly acknowledging that you made the bruise on a sibling's body.
There is such strength in a sincere apology. Throughout the centuries it's been stated that an apology is a sign of weakness--NO WAY! It takes an incredible display of personal strength of character to say, "I'm sorry. I did not mean to hurt you or hinder you in any way." and sometimes, an apology is even followed up with "Forgive me". The personal integrity one must show to truly mean an apology is where humanity shines brightest.
Giving forgiveness is also a huge gift. Acknowledging an apology and receiving that gift gives us an opportunity to give the gift of forgiveness in return. Forgiveness is not disavowing what has taken place; rather, it is the willingness to allow the other person involved to feel acknowledged. It may also be the thing which allows that individual to move on after hurting you.
Leadership and Self-Deception by the Arbinger Institute reminds us of the binding and blinding philosophy of self-deception. By not accepting an apology, by not granting/giving forgiveness to the person asking for it, we deny ourselves and continue the patterns of self-deception.
Graciously offer an apology. In sincerity, offer forgiveness. In love, accept the forgiveness.
With kindness, seek a peaceful path from that point into the future.
http://www.arbinger.com/en/home.html
An apology is a sign of remorse...of acceptance of hurt feelings...or possibly acknowledging that you made the bruise on a sibling's body.
There is such strength in a sincere apology. Throughout the centuries it's been stated that an apology is a sign of weakness--NO WAY! It takes an incredible display of personal strength of character to say, "I'm sorry. I did not mean to hurt you or hinder you in any way." and sometimes, an apology is even followed up with "Forgive me". The personal integrity one must show to truly mean an apology is where humanity shines brightest.
Giving forgiveness is also a huge gift. Acknowledging an apology and receiving that gift gives us an opportunity to give the gift of forgiveness in return. Forgiveness is not disavowing what has taken place; rather, it is the willingness to allow the other person involved to feel acknowledged. It may also be the thing which allows that individual to move on after hurting you.
Leadership and Self-Deception by the Arbinger Institute reminds us of the binding and blinding philosophy of self-deception. By not accepting an apology, by not granting/giving forgiveness to the person asking for it, we deny ourselves and continue the patterns of self-deception.
Graciously offer an apology. In sincerity, offer forgiveness. In love, accept the forgiveness.
With kindness, seek a peaceful path from that point into the future.
http://www.arbinger.com/en/home.html
Sunday, July 24, 2011
The Not so Lazy Days of Summer
The past two weekends I've been learning the Inclusive Mediation Framework used by the Conflict Resolution Center of Baltimore County. Two weeks before that, I spent 5 days (and nights) in Abilene, Texas completing my Residency requirement for my Masters in Conflict Resolution...which taught me a Facilitative model Framework for Mediation.
So, just so you really get my brain melt down...within less than 30 days, I've spent 11 SOLID days of my life training to be a mediator.
Making the decision last fall to return to school at Abilene Christian University (in Abilene, TX--which I am working through their online program) was quite a commitment in itself. I did this thinking I'd like to work in the field of mediation as a mediator...now that my head is full of mediation strategies and systems, I have great doubt as to whether or not I'm cut out for this!
This morning, I'm thinking through all the different things I've learned since January. Negotiation strategies, organizational behavior nuiances, systems designs for conflict management, facilitative mediation model, inclusive mediation model...and on and on and on...
What does it really all mean? Which direction should I go? How should I package myself? Who am I becoming professionally? Great questions...yet I'm dizzy from trying to find the answers.
As a wise, wise woman named Scarlett O'Hara said, "oh well, I'll just think on that tomorrow...for tomorrow is another day!"
So, just so you really get my brain melt down...within less than 30 days, I've spent 11 SOLID days of my life training to be a mediator.
Making the decision last fall to return to school at Abilene Christian University (in Abilene, TX--which I am working through their online program) was quite a commitment in itself. I did this thinking I'd like to work in the field of mediation as a mediator...now that my head is full of mediation strategies and systems, I have great doubt as to whether or not I'm cut out for this!
This morning, I'm thinking through all the different things I've learned since January. Negotiation strategies, organizational behavior nuiances, systems designs for conflict management, facilitative mediation model, inclusive mediation model...and on and on and on...
What does it really all mean? Which direction should I go? How should I package myself? Who am I becoming professionally? Great questions...yet I'm dizzy from trying to find the answers.
As a wise, wise woman named Scarlett O'Hara said, "oh well, I'll just think on that tomorrow...for tomorrow is another day!"
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Bathtubs
I know this sounds a little silly, and maybe petty...but I NEED a bathtub.
When we moved to this house six months ago, the master bedroom had 2 bathrooms within the suite. Seriously, two. One was not much more than a closet which held a potty, sink, and a teensy shower which would make anyone claustrophobic...much less fit my six foot five husband. The other, had a long vanity top area, then a separate "closed door" area with along skinny shower, a potty and a bidet. Yes...this bedroom had a bidet...but NOT A BATHTUB. Who lives like that!!!???
My husband loved this house from the first moment he walked into it...what I saw, lots and lots of updating work. Anyone want to guess who's doing the updating work??? That's what I thought. So I told him from the get go...we can only buy this house if you let me close off the small bathroom and build a walk in closet. No if's and's or but's about it. And, yes, my closet was completed in January.
Now...the dilemma is to finish out the vanity/bidet bathroom to be a true Master Bathroom. All it takes is Money...so if you don't have $50,000 to throw at a project, and I don't , I have to design and plan then execute on a new bathroom.
My biggest lesson so far--I had no idea how expensive bathtubs are! Also, all those really snazzy shower elements ain't cheap. So for now, I have my pieces and parts picked out, the cabinets ordered, and I'm waiting to hear from my contractor what the labor quote will be. Based on his numbers, I can decide what plumbing parts I can and maybe cannot buy...also, if I can get the incredible limestone tile I've picked out or not...and I really hope I don't have to trade that out! But, oh well. The one thing I'm not giving up on...my bathtub. I can't wait to soak in that baby. I don't take a bath every night. But, when you want to soak in a tub, nothing else can fill that need.
Soooon. Soooon. Soooon I will be soaking in that bad boy in the photo...sooooooon.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Spring has finally sprung!
Here in Maryland, it's sunny, blue skies, and green grass. Granted, the high temprature is 65 degrees today...and I am ready for 75 degrees, but there is nothing here to complain about.
Spring is a time of renewal. Out with the old, in with the new. It's a time when nature "re-invents" itself. This year, I'm planning to take a page out of natures' best play book. I want to find myself renewed. Faith--home--family--getting back to basics and putting all of the months of SNOW and cold behind me.
Refreshing and remembering what is most important to me. Friends, new and old. Family, near and far. Faith, tried and true.
Welcome back Spring...and welcome back me.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Finish What you Start
This weekend was fairly hard core for me. By Friday night, I was really tired from the week. I had filled almost every hour with somewhere to be or something to do, and I was beat. However, two weeks before, I started a tiling project which needed to be finished.
With that in mind, I got up Saturday morning and started trying to wrap my brain around the task at hand. Armed with coffee, a tape measure and chalk line--I set about making a plan. Tiling can be an easy or a difficult task, mostly due to the amount of time you're willing to spend in the planning stage. I chose slate as my medium--which, yes, is more difficult to work with than ceramic...I know that--and did the research.
I wonder how many things we attempt in life would be easier if we could do the research before hand. Would we all chose the same person to marry if we knew what was coming down the road? Could we succeed at any number of things we try if only we had all the information before we start?
Life, unlike tiling, doesn't come with instructions.
There are no Youtube videos to help us find our way through parenting decisions, dealing with the loss of a loved one, or why we should choose one job over another. To lay a tile floor, you need specific products and tools: a wet saw, thin set, notched trowel, tile, grout and grout float. In life, you need different tools and different products at different times.
At the birth of a child, a person takes stock in the immediate safety of that baby. Do they have their needs and wants provided for? During the teenage years, parents wonder why they ever thought they could BE parents. The rules change daily--with the mood swings--and its difficult to know what to do next. As we age, again we need different tools. Am I healthy? Will my body fall into cancer or another illness? Will my children care for me if I cannot care for myself?
My tile floor is down. It took most of Saturday to do it, but it's almost finished. Today I need to grout the seams, then seal the floor with a slate specific sealer. After that, it's quarter round and I'm done.
Like it or not, Life doesn't work in straight lines with clear cut directions. We're going to have to wake up again tomorrow and see what's new, what's changed, and what might still be the same. I love it! The challenges each stage in life brings. But then again, I don't mind laying a slate tile floor...It Always Pays to Finish What you Started...
With that in mind, I got up Saturday morning and started trying to wrap my brain around the task at hand. Armed with coffee, a tape measure and chalk line--I set about making a plan. Tiling can be an easy or a difficult task, mostly due to the amount of time you're willing to spend in the planning stage. I chose slate as my medium--which, yes, is more difficult to work with than ceramic...I know that--and did the research.
I wonder how many things we attempt in life would be easier if we could do the research before hand. Would we all chose the same person to marry if we knew what was coming down the road? Could we succeed at any number of things we try if only we had all the information before we start?
Life, unlike tiling, doesn't come with instructions.
There are no Youtube videos to help us find our way through parenting decisions, dealing with the loss of a loved one, or why we should choose one job over another. To lay a tile floor, you need specific products and tools: a wet saw, thin set, notched trowel, tile, grout and grout float. In life, you need different tools and different products at different times.
At the birth of a child, a person takes stock in the immediate safety of that baby. Do they have their needs and wants provided for? During the teenage years, parents wonder why they ever thought they could BE parents. The rules change daily--with the mood swings--and its difficult to know what to do next. As we age, again we need different tools. Am I healthy? Will my body fall into cancer or another illness? Will my children care for me if I cannot care for myself?
My tile floor is down. It took most of Saturday to do it, but it's almost finished. Today I need to grout the seams, then seal the floor with a slate specific sealer. After that, it's quarter round and I'm done.
Like it or not, Life doesn't work in straight lines with clear cut directions. We're going to have to wake up again tomorrow and see what's new, what's changed, and what might still be the same. I love it! The challenges each stage in life brings. But then again, I don't mind laying a slate tile floor...It Always Pays to Finish What you Started...
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